tale$ from tha crui​$​er

by hauk$ne$$

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released July 30, 2016

yo$h - knowledge & strength
hatchetooth - love & laughter



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hauk$ne$$ Portland, Oregon

"brody quit the band cuz he needed some space, and i couldn't let the mic on the stage go to waste"

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Track Name: i nomin8 yo$h 4 mayor
it's the yo$h & i'm killin
mutant style like an x-men villain
born again like '83 Gillan
spittin with skills so ill you need penicillin
this microphone's bok choy & i'm grillin
never catch me chillin
always hot like fire
devourin beats like they about to expire
i'll rattle any battler who spits in my direction
cuz this here's the hip hop mayoral election
so pin the buttons on & spin your batons
you saw every other candidate has gone & withdrawn
cuz when i step up to the plate it's the last supper
i kick sucka ass quick so nobody has to suffer
i'm the only instructor of this underground hip hop sound
you ain't found since i last came around
i astound with my lyrical
spin you round spherical
my versatile style flips suddenly numerical
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 son
next comes 11
i got 4/4 rhythm like '83 Bev Bevan
i make Dawson's creek look like 7th heaven
i'm flawless
my raps turn trees to sawdust
my ice cold flow throws snow in august
& i'm mad modest
the king of all things humble
that's the way this delicious cookie crumbles
i'm a shining light
can't be matched by any fixture
stare into the sun & you'll start to get the picture
i'm a player, a truth conveyor, a soothsayer, none greater
i nomin8 yo$h 4 mayor
i nomin8 yo$h 4 mayor
i'm upstate's best kid
fuck what you heard
my style's preferred cuz i'm this that & the 3rd
& the 4th
i travel beats back & forth
up & down all around east west south & north
i thought you were done guessin
ain't it depressin how the sound of my voice gets your girl undressin?
i should be arrested cuz my rhymes be criminal
the minute all you step with me shit gets biblical
excuse my invisible uzis
& say ciao to thou
now you're 1 with the Tao
fat flow unforgivin
mad rhythm relentless
i clean out every crevice like a master dentist
i'm a god spittin down lightin rods on mankind
call the bomb squad
i'm blowin your mind
my lines intertwine, fast forward, rewind
i'm rap's savior
i nomin8 yo$h 4 mayor
i nomin8 yo$h 4 mayor
Track Name: tavernizzle on denvizzle
down by trippy crow & kstat
the place that makes that stretch look good is where i hang at
between the libary & the dead friend store
you know i gotta open the door
i need more of that DT
with dubba dubba E on the TV
where the pool table is free all day every sundee
throw me a PB rib
yo is the hour happy?
& all i hear is goddamnit Abby
this is my shit
& i know what's goin on across the nation
but this place is too amazing for your gentrification
they got the coldest beers on the whole scene
i'm boutta hit it big on this video poker machine
you got Jonie, Penny, Nicki, Kathy, Brendaaa
& little smokies on the menya
Don on the sidelines drownin in the good times
drain another brother
let's drink to neighborhood rhymes
the mugs are frozen
it's far from closin
whoever goes in stays in for they have joined god's chosen
erections in all directions whenever
that neon open sign is shinin on my denver
on my DT
cuz when i kneel down & pray before all of my naps
i thank god & Bud for the best pabst on the maps
did i mention their super bowl party is bitchin?
TV dude's kickin
i'm str8 sandwichin
their whole kitchen is just a nuker
for pool just ask for the cue ball BOOM
they give it to ya BOOM
& if you buy a raffle ticket on halloween eve
you can guess the weight of fat fuckin Steve
at DT
on the TV see local & professional wrestling
at the bar i've seen some women
but mostly just breasts on men
Brenda microwave me pepperoni pizza with cheese
& if i'm thirsty then another mug of amber bock please
bring some money cuz it's cash only
& if you're hungry then believe me it's priced to please
but enough about your wallet
be prepared for the toilet
in the ladies room i assume that the stall has a door
but the men's room kinda leaves me wantin for more
they got a quarter machine with all the girls of your dreams
but if your shit is shy don't matter how hard you squeeze
at the DT
yo bust this
i ain't doin it justice
witness it
you'll see what all the fuss is
Track Name: NAP/RAP (you don't snooze, you lose)
middle of the day i'm always off countin sheep
i like naps cuz naps is the cousin of sleep
when you're feelin beat it's just mad hella neat
to put your head on the pillow & kick up your feet
geez louise
can i please catch a couple more Zs?
i'm lyin on my back but i'm beggin from my knees
wake up, get up
pour myself a bowl of puffed millet & kill it
nutritious & i feel it
i finish it & rinse off my dishes
then blow the turtle kisses cuz he thinks my lips is fishes
headin out the house all ambitious
i hop on my crui$er like nobody's business
you can't diss this
i'll ride any distance cuz on my bike i'm vicious
i'm feelin repetitious
i'm feelin repetitious
you don't snooze you lose
what is this? a hip hop story?
yeah where were we?
oh yeah
i'm bikin with the fury cuz i'm in a hurry
siren's wail
i see 3 pigs on my tail
i ain't even left yale
now i'm lookin at jail?
i'm thinkin can i shake em or pull my 9 & overtake em?
& give the birds a plate of bacon?
but i got lucky this time
the pigs oink past me
i'm runnin late so i hit the pedals like a blast beat
you don't snooze you lose
gotta meet my cracka Brody for a bite
it's taco monday at the kstat tonight
i lock up the schwinn
now the fun can begin
i can still feel the cereal but fuck being thin
before i even say hello or Brody says hello to me
i order 2 corn tortilla tacos with that yellow chee
2 hours pass now i'm back haulin ass up the street
& premature excrete is brownin up my seat
you don't snooze you lose
i'm ridin fast but i'm bout to blast out my ass
with some of this dangerous taco monday gas
i spy a bush in the shadows & pull out my tush
i don't even have to push
it's just whooooooosh
but there's no TP around so i wipe with my hand then wipe my hand on the ground
cuz every night i paint the town red
or reddish-brown really
& here's the moral of my tale
feel me?
you don't snooze you lose
no matter how you live your night could end in crap
so spend the day takin a nap sucka
you don't snooze you lose
middle of the day i'm always off countin sheep
i like naps cuz naps is the cousin of sleep
when you're feelin beat it's just mad hella neat
to put your head on the pillow & kick up your feet
we all agree that 2pm fatigue is the devil
so take daydreamin to a whole nother level
avoid being cranky
grab yourself a blanky
trust me
when you wake up you're gonna thank me
you don't snooze you lose
next afternoon
new day same sitch
i munch down my lunch
mac n cheese, veggie sandwich
& now i'm tired as a bitch
how it wrecks me
my couch is lookin sexy as i hit that light switch
i'm in the livin room
it's an hour past noon
but i'm off sippin cocktails somewhere in cancun
& too soon i'm woken up by the harsh tune
of alarm bells ringing
diggin in me like a harpoon
you don't snooze you lose
i'm a naptime enthusiast
the snooziest napper on the block
i think naps are the grooviest
i ain't new to this
in fact for whatever it's worth
i've been nappin since the day of my birth
this one day i went racin to the practice space when
somethin flies through the sky lookin mad alien
movin impossibly it drops within 3 feet on top of me then
a hatch opens & i see little green men
you don't snooze you lose
& i'm snatched up
pulled in as they close the hatch up
i feel pee hit my knee
my face is redder than catsup
they tore my ass up
stuck a probe up my bum
shoved the thing so far in i tasted poop on my tongue
& then when they were done
hours from when they beginned
i was returned to my schwinn just like nothin happened
i got used & abused, fucked, fondled & bruised
you don't snooze you lose
you don't snooze you lose
so if you need another moral spelled out in this song consider this
it wasn't cuz i napped for too long that shit went wrong
it was cuz of an alien's caress
we all need our beauty rest
naps are the best
middle of the day & i'm off countin sheep
i like naps cuz naps is the cousin of sleep
when you're feeling beat it's just mad hella neat
to put your head on the pillow & kick up your feet
hey hey hey hey
Track Name: love, devotion, surrender, rosemary & rhyme
dollar sign$ assigned to every line & design
greed misleads
do we fight, flee, or free our minds?
yo man
at the risk of sounding condescending
get your head out your wallet & begin befriending
1 2 9 it's prime time for a rhyme that features a teacher who meets your head with your mind
i prefer my words not to be misunderstood
i'm advocatin brotherhood
we good?
with love, devotion, surrender, rosemary & rhyme
somehow we still livin in a f'd up time
with love, devotion, surrender, rosemary & rhyme
so why we still livin in a f'd up time
summertime sunshine
feelin fine & funky fresh
hauk$ne$$ on a mission preachin coalition
keep love alive
rise above
dip & dive
give me high 5s
we are all allies
north to south, east to the west hauk$sne$$ spreadin happiness
hatchetooth moves butts & boots to the busyness
me, i used to be a mess
stressed out, depressed
but i've been graced by a friendly face in every place
time & again pulled through by a helping hand
matching that compassion is the true measure of a man
selflessness is a double-edged kiss
you feel real bliss when you help the helpless
cuz life's true prize lies in the eyes of those we love & treasure
no pressure
ain't no knobs or levers
it's the smiles that we show each other brother
come together
with love, devotion, surrender, rosemary & rhyme
somehow we still livin in a f'd up time
with love, devotion, surrender, rosemary & rhyme
so why we still livin in a f'd up time
the professor is professin
your 1st lesson is to clean out your brain, your bowels & your intestines
& lessen the load of BS that's been messin you up
testin you
tryin to get the best of you
begin by considerin this 1 fact
that you are you & nothin you do can take away that
each of us is unique
our differences are beautiful
i know the concept's new to you so take a few to let it through
try livin thankin life for what it's given
love is often hidden
not gifted with a ribbon
if & when you see the friend i see in you
you'll see there ain't no room for gloom & doom
i thought you knew
i wasn't always this truth spittin masterpiece
i used to go home & get asked to leave
phone the peeps, my family
no one got back to me
reality was draggin me down like super gravity
i reached in myself to discover all my qualities
acknowledged me for me
who i am & how i gotta be
for too long i had it all wrong
i was tweakin to the beat of a weak drum song
anxiety was givin me a life of negativity
but dark clouds parted once i started to believe in me
depression, aggression will no longer cuff me
givin up is ugly
no goal is above me
with love, devotion, surrender, rosemary & rhyme
somehow we still livin in a f'd up time
with love, devotion, surrender, rosemary & rhyme
so why we still livin in a f'd up time
Track Name: (i don't see nothin wrong with a little) GOOSEBUMPIN (grind)
when the firemen came to put out the flames
i was already charred & scarred for life
but now with a story insane ingrained in my brain
a tale full of terrors & frights
it all started last night
dancin in the room out front
with the bass boom up to 1-1
rockin the pumps
when like a chump
my rump bumped into my bookshelf
the books fell
dumped on the floor with a thump
1 caught my eye
a goosebump from Mr. Stine
it's been ages since i flipped through them pages
but no time permitted
plus i already read it awhile back
when this pumps track's done i might hit it up
but just then black goes my vision
& the flow from my stereo goes missin
so i listen to the faint chirps of the crickets
in pitch black my tremblin bitch hand finds the light switch & i flick it
nothin happens
the room stays blackened
the power's out
think you boy scout
i start grabbin
just nabbin up anything that i can handle
hopin somehow to snatch up matches & a candle
in the dark i find nothin sparkable
but a remarkable glow is emittin from the spot near where i'm sittin
so i looky look
took a sec to breathe cuz i got shook
the eery green glow is comin from the goosebumps book!
i can't pick it up
too heavy? am i trippin up?
maybe cuz i can't look away or try gettin up
chicken butt, nuts, spooked, scared mothafucka
as the green glow takes a hold & pulls me through the book's cover...
i fall through & hit the ground hard
look around
hello? not a soul
must be in some kinda ghost town
the fuck did i do to get stuck with this bum luck?
owwwooooo! a wolf's howlin
i'm like fuck
it starts growlin
encroachin on my space
it approaches
i can almost taste my life go to waste
but hocus pocus
it just vanished
erased from the canvas
oh god now i'm prayin harder than a mantis
2 steps & my toes are wet
fuck! a swamp
could it get more vile?
here comes a crocodile chomp
i'm runnin
headin through the fog
thunder drummin
gaggin now i wrench from the stench of like bad plumbin
get to the door of a mansion & i'm pantin
god grant me the strength to bust out of this enchantment
i knock 1nce 2wice
time to stop being mr. nice
i buck my shoulder like a boulder but it won't suffice
help! i yell to all hell but the rain excells
the door creaks open & i'm curious
furious now cuz the fucker slams shut behind me
what the what? the back of my neck! there's somethin slimy
i hear laughter & glass shatter
clunky clatter from the cucuclock
the door is locked
do i spot a splatter of blood on the rug?
racin is my heart pace as a menacing thing bellows from the staircase
a force pulls me down
now i'm bound to the floor
back's sore hardcore
can move my legs, nothin more
i pitch a fit & kick shit
hit a table with a drawer
& out falls the very 2 things i've been lookin for
a book of matches & a candle
somehow i get the matches lit
i'm bout to burn this whole shit super vandal
as the fire rages i'm released from the pages
of this goosebumps novel that i've been caged in...
layin on my lawn
it's a new dawn
but my house is burned down gone
what's been goin on?
charred wood, smoke billowin
fill me in fireman
tell me just how much trouble am i in?
the book made me do it
i ain't lyin
but in the backseat i go to the tune of po po sirens
through the window i get one last look
as an innocent bystander picks up a haunted book
Track Name: i'm aboutta list
b to the lack s ab to the bath
paved a new path to unleash their freak wrath
ever since Geez went teasin with witchcraft
ever since Bill's weird beard got a laugh
ever since blood dripped from Tony's fingertips
ever since the Ozz put a drug up to his lips
ever since forgotten singer Dave began to walk
ever since Ronnie saw a rainbow in the dark
ever since the keys were tickled by G. Nicholls
ever since Vinny hopped on this vehicle
ever since Ian told us to smoke underwater
ever since Sting never joined, maybe he oughta
ever since that beast Bev dropped a tom bomb
ever since Glenn Hughes held a mic in his palms
ever since Ray Gillen was rockin & weavin
ever since they brought Terry Chimes in for some reason
ever since Dave Spitz made it on the list
ever since Eric Singer was given a kiss
ever since Tony Martin got mega butt hurt
ever since Jo Burt
wait who is Jo Burt?
ever since Laurence fucking Cottle, nuff said
ever since Neil Murray toured instead
ever since Bob Daisely entered the 80s
ever since Cozy got cozy with married ladies
ever since Ice T just said fuck it
ever since a Yes man's self-respect shit the bucket
ever since a Priest came through in a tight sitch
& an audio rager became 1 lucky sumbitch
ever since friday the 13th through to 13
them birmingham boys been sabotaging the whole scene
we've all been born again through these masters of ecstasy
so be my sabbath buddy sabbath & tyr up next to me
i'm aboutta list
i'm aboutta list
i'm aboutta list all their studio LPs chronologically
black sabbath, paranoid, master of reality
volume 4, sabbath bloody sabbath & sabotage
technical ecstasy, never say die, heaven & hell & mob
rules, then born again & 7th star
the eternal idol, headless cross & TYR
dehumanizer, cross purposes, forbidden
& lastly 13
is there 1 that i'm forgettin?
i might be their biggest fan but who's keepin tabs?
all hail the mighty merciless metal of the sabs
i'm aboutta list
i'm aboutta list